Call Me A Safe Bet;

tra la la la.

2006-05-08T00:41:03Z

sunday nights are the bomb everyone
the absolute bomb!

my life has become so controversial

2006-02-22T17:32:00Z

that i need to make my journal friends only. hahahahahaahaha

the result of myspace not letting me login:

2006-02-20T17:06:18Z

nothings going on right now. i woke at 1030am on jenns bedroom floor and now i'm at my dad's

why is fall out boy playing
i really should clean out my music
because when i put it on 'shuffle'
i get the worst teenybopper shit
everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Auto response from uptown girl x07 (11:51:11 AM): this is the third, but not the last, time i have watched fat camp this week.
elise is coolest (11:51:11 AM): THIS IS MY SECOND TIME even though its the same episode, it never gets old. lol
elise is coolest (11:51:15 AM): i love petey.
elise is coolest (11:51:36 AM): and the random anorexic kids.
uptown girl x07 (11:57:59 AM): petey is BANANAS
uptown girl x07 (11:58:09 AM): what i wanna know is who let the random anorexic kids come??!
uptown girl x07 (11:58:53 AM): ohh wait did you see peteys louis vuitton hat??

fat camp makes me feel beautiful.

so i almost did something cool today because jack invited me and elise over for 'movie night' without any movies but then elise couldn't go and i can't go anymore so i guess we're going tomorrow afternoon after we go to the movies with jenn or somethinggggg

idkidk
plans shouldnt make my head hurt

above the influence? nahhhhh

2006-02-19T15:29:29Z

haha the past 2 nights have been QUITE eventful.
pictures forthcoming.

yesterday=went with jenn to her fancypants hair salon by the mall where they offered you cookies and tea in delicate little glasses, while small 'cute' dogs run around and.. be cute. i guess. her hair turned out so healthy, shinyshiny blackk. then we went to coconuts and she got cd's and we came to the conclusion that it's all conor oberst's fault, then we got chinese food at price chopper plaza

"we're sitting in a car, listening to bright eyes, taking myspace pictures"
ahah me and jenn are tegan and sarah.

yup so after that elise and brittany came over to jenns and we were off to new age after like 7pm. the bottom line is, i take hits like a guy and am still coherent enough to babysit elise. good times. everyone was there tooo but most of it is blurry, i know at one point my mom showed up because technically i'm not allowed to go to new age, but it was like one minute i was in the car with her the next i was back in new age..i don't know what the fuck happened =) everyone was like, waiiit.. you're not supposed to be back here, and i was like yea.i know? so elises dad drove me home and the strangest thing is how i woke up at like 830am

my new Elle magazne inspired me to go back to my old way of dressing, [[a la weird vintage outfits of freshman year]], so now i'm going to bore you with a descrption of my outifts for both day and night yesterday, and you're going to pretend you care. during the day yesterday i wore a juicy couture mini skirt, a pink cami [weathervane], this vintage pink and tan sweater of my mom's, and clunky brown shoes also of my mom's. and pears of course. then at night i wore a black headscarf with maroon and pink polka dots, jeans tucked into these amazing leather cowboy boots with a maroony flame on them, jenns maroon zipup, and the pink cami underneath. and the pearls.

i wanna go to the mall, i still have 3 projects due, i miss kara and cf and t chal and stacy i dont know where they have been this weekend. =( so far the most exciting thing that's happened to me today is that the sixth sense is on and im missing it right now so i need to go.

byyyyyyyye

yoyoyoyooyoyoy like 15 days off.

2006-02-17T20:40:39Z

today was pretty good but tonight will make it look like shit in comparison, because me jenn kara cf and yeeyee are going to BOMBERS. hahanha im so pumped for burritos.and saturday'll be good too, everyone that matters is going to new age =) =) i haven't been since me and jenn got robbed before like christmas, which is such a long time since we used to be there every weekend. have a lovely evening.

stupidhead

2006-02-16T23:33:34Z

KAY SO

today me and ashley made make your own sundays with extra rainbow sprinkles and ate outside with everyone. this made my day.

after school i went with lauren and olivia to math help
to my surprise stacy jenn and elise 3 of my favorite people were in the room next door =( i saw them as i was LEAVING

wal mart makes me grouchy
oh and last entry i meant winter break not spring break.thanks kara

when she smiles its a rainbow

2006-02-15T20:51:29Z

ahh i have so much schoolwork to do and all i really want to do is go to target to look at the new luella bartley collection. "a mix of brit punk scenesters and straight laced country clubbers"

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmshopping
i have tutoring at 5
annnnd a global project and a english project and a science project
fuckity fuck fuckfuck

jason works at mcfat
i saw him there toodayyyy

2 days till spring break 06

ta ta♥

i can't eat burnt salmon.

2006-02-14T23:59:37Z

valentines day resulted in one flower from this sweet kid who bought every girl in my bio class a carnation. it was nice reassurance that i am still female. i ended up giving it to josh anyway, after the third time i broke the stem. haha and raechelle made me cards ♥ and i hit kara till she gave me a lollipop ♥. i did better last year when i made eric give me the shiny ring that he was going to give to priscilla, but they broke up before he got the chance. i lost that ring in the snow. t chal on the other hand received the entire 9 yards of v-day: flowers candy and a teddy bear. she looked at me and said, but theyre all from only one guy. we had a nice talk today but then my phone got mad at me and beeped and buzzed and we had to hang up. paul had 4 different valentines.

hi mom, why are you looking over my shoulder? rsjhgwe go away moooooooooom. you burnt my salmon, i divorce you./

definetely a monday.

2006-02-13T23:41:22Z

since i ended up not being able to sleep till 2am last night, i left school after francais, at like 10. i did manage to receive a lunch detention in only one period, i'm still not sure exactly what i did wrong. but anyways i went to my dads house and slept in jeans till 3pm. then i beat my cell phone tetris record, ate some chinese food, now i'm at my moms. this is the life. oh i got a phone call worth mentioning today, from shane at k-mart. he needed advice about how to get a $1.25 more to buy cleaner for his keyboard so we made a plan to rob the old lady standing next to him. let me reiterate: this is the life.

gyrating? yes please.

2006-02-13T01:31:23Z

last night was the fall of troy/other shitty bands show at winners. i went with kare, cf, and jenn, and i saw savanna, chelsea, and shane and jack there. haha and i met my future husband. and i fell in a pit for the first time. it's actually a good conversation starter, the kid who picked me up and i are new friends. we left at about 1130 then went to karas, the next morning she held us hostage till we agreed to go out to breakfast at fucking like 10am. i think i'm high maintenance becaise i insisted on showering and straightening before i left the house, but jenn was the same way. when you have hair cuts like ours, or do eyeliner like we do, you can't just leave the house. it takes time. so at breakfast it was very entertaining because there was this mirror on the ceiling.

i got home at around 130, did some homework, went up to jenns for 5 hours and wtached shark shows, now i'm just dreading school tomorrow and wondering why this computer screen is spazzing out. i think it's because my cell phone, oh yes my cell phone just rang. and guess what i hate the person whose calling so i won't pick up. haha fuck you person.

bye.

::later::

after one of the worst internet conversations of my life which invariably led to one of the worst phone conversations of my life(if you can even call it a conversation)i find myself unable to sleep and eyeing the chocolate donuts. i will not however, succumb to drowning my teenage sorrows in them; although i may have watched a full hour of flavor of love to keep my mind off things.at least i know flave loves me unconditionally

ps
i'm sorry about the phone call,and needing you
some decisons we don't make.

the only broken hearted loser you'll ever need

2006-02-11T18:25:22Z

duh.
i have last night documented in pictures

dsmk @ 2006-02-10T16:16:00

2006-02-10T21:22:04Z

You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.

</td>

atheism

88%

Satanism

88%

agnosticism

88%

Buddhism

79%

Islam

54%

Paganism

50%

Judaism

38%

Christianity

33%

Hinduism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

=)

ahh jack just called, and tonight i'm missing a very important oppourtunity.. because stacy and taylor called and now jenn and kara and i are partying in the most expensive neighborhood in the 518....... ohhhhhh you're jealous.

me and elise skipped last period, which was actually 5th period, because today was a half day. i can't express how nice it felt to dress like a hobo and hang out in the cafe... brought back memories of all of freshman year in fact. freshman year was the shit. smoothies are too, me and jenn and keith kicked off the weekend by getting some today at the smoothie shack in price chopper plaza. pretty hardcore.

hey sweetheart-i didn't mean it when i said that i wish you were dead

2006-02-09T23:35:56Z

so well today i made jenn and elise miss the bus to the Y so we walked a mile to exercise and enjoyed the under-the-bridge scenery and all the honking cars

hah but before that everyone in study hall 9th period was trying to get me to go to the gay-straight alliance meeting because they had free food...eve like pinned me up against the wall and was like GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO haahah it was great and the picture that annelise gave me first period of me, abby, her, and some girl. we were 10. i wish i could show you this picture. i look like i'm trying to be seductive. i probably was trying to be the most seductive 4th grader in green meadow.

tomorrows a half day.partyy

hey this is where i get gay;

a little thing called codependency.it fucks you up big time,to have your self perception change according to someone elses mood and how they feel like treating you that day, it's no way to live.and i hate how i cant even listen to music without thinking of you or fall asleep without thinking of you or eat without thinking of you or breathe without thinking of you

lesson of the day:just make sure you remember to like everyone else a little less then everyone else likes you.

putting the FUN in FUNERAL

2006-02-08T22:27:00Z

anyone know what quixotic means??because i listed it as my mood
who says that in real life
how was are you feeling today bill?
well, to be honest george, im feeling a tad QUIXOTIC
yeaOK

today was ok too, nothing really stood out about it. except the incident during honors english discussion where i just said american culture is disgusting without thinking about it, and these girls from the back started attacking meeeeeeeee. this is a perfect example of why i need to leave eg. annnd i think it's impossible to be a vegan in american public school. [speaking of lunch: HEY BAYBAYYYY *kissy face* yeaaa CF stace and kar its all for you =)]

right now i'm making ramen noodles. i have to go to the math tutor at 630 too. its funny about that place, i'll be totally awake and within a half hour im struggling to remain concious, however that same old lady that puts me to sleep every wednsday evening is the sole reason i pulled off the math regents with a 78 thankyouverymuch

hiroshima: there's no antidote for irony, you say.

2006-02-07T20:32:13Z

i know i said this last entry but i just want to review
i.
need.
an.
ipod.

today was another good day, kara talked to me a little, i want to bring up everything that happened so we can talk about it, but i know enough that when a wound begins to heal the stupidest thing to do is open it back up again. because then it gets infected. and gooey stuff comes out

i gotta cut back on the analogies and metaphors.

haha today i forgot josh's pictures of hot guys in my creative writing room so we went of this crazy adventure throughout the building to retreive them, and he was all YOUVE BEEN IN THIS SCHOOL 2 YEARS, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE ANYTHING IS.. then he got us lost and "jaws" the hall monitor caught us hooligans and made us go to the office... hahahaha it was funny.

oh & me and raechelle made a anniversary card for alex and abby. as strange as it sounds it wasn't awkward at all to make an anniversary card for your ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend. so, i suppose it really is possible to be friends with your exes.

OH OH AND THERE WAS A BAKE SALE TODAYYYYYY
i went with mandee and krysten and bought 2 cupcakes but then i saw shane and hugged him and trust me: he needed that cupcake much more then i did, so that was my good deed of the day. this also made me realize that like all of my guy friends are way skinnier then i am, which is unacceptable. vegan-ism begins to look very appealing.

oh and isn't it amazing how you can swear some songs have been custom written for the people in your life:

So here's the truth:
You were right all along,
They were never my friends
And I was living a lie
But I won't fall for it next time.
You figured me out
I'm like a leaf in the wind
I try and find who I am but wind up lost in the end.
Somtimes it's hard to know whats real when you're not
'Cause you know I change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me
But I'm sick of trying so hard.
Waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
Don't give up, believe...
I'd wait it out for you.
Every day i'm just making my rounds, just digging a home
six feet underground.
Sometimes it's hard to know what's real when you're not.
'Cause you know I change myself to impress whoever happens to be next to me.
But I'm sick of trying so hard.
Waste all your time with me.
I know I'm a mess right now.
Don't give up, believe...
I'd wait it out for you.
Nothing's here for me but you.

-armor for sleep,remember to feel real

i need an ipod

2006-02-06T21:21:17Z

i loved today.it was so ghetto
raechelle and i made farm art in study hall, it's hanging on the wall in miss istria's room if anyone would like to purchase it for a million dollars. and andrea told me the scariest story i've ever heard, about the crips. one of the girl crips was messin' around with the wrong homeboi, so a bunch of them held her down and stuck a curling iron up her vagina. this story was so emotionally upsetting that i told everyone near me like leauren and lexi and steve just so they could share my pain. another ghetto thing about today was when i purchased my new background image for my cell phone during science class. it reads: "compton, original gangsta". i wonder if the crips would shove a curling iron up my vagina if they saw it. i hope not. also in study hall, i found one of those signs on the floor that said '70% of columbia student will not read this sign' and taped it to my ass. now it's in my memory box<3

i listened to josh's ipod with him during lunch, and did cool dance moves to the remix to ignition by r kelly. also conor oberst was orgasmic even as a pre-pubescent child. i can't wait until i get my own ipod. they are way neato, but the one size fits all ear phones don't fit into my infantile sized ears. they just kept popping out everytime i busted a move. elise came to lunch too, and me and her boyfriend decided we just don't like anal sex. but we both love elise, ALOT. oh and one more thing, kara payed me back the money she owed me because i lost my money like i manage to every other day. i hope she meant it as an extension of the old olive branch, and i hope at least one person who reads this understands that old saying. the point is i can't imagine my life without kara. i wish she'd try to talk things out with me instead of just looking at me when i try to.

last night me and jack in the box were on the phone late waiting for say anything to come on, during this time period i had a lot of time to think about my grades, they really aren't very good. i know i don't try as hard as i should but i see other kids who try much less and get grades way above mine. it's frustrating. the last thing i want to do is go to hudson valley and be stuck around here for 2 more years, although my dad said i could move out if i wanted and still go to school around here. that's a pretty sweet deal i guess and it saves mucho $$, but i've wanted to leave this place for as long as i can remember. i've seen what EG has to offer and it ain't much. no offense to the 518, it's a cute lil suburb, but i belong in a place that has more to do then funplex mini golf and applebees. most of the people around here naesueate me as well, all the same, all so wrapped up in their lawns and their paychecks.

my mom told me yesterday that she was smoking when she was pregnant with me.
that explains alot.

i'm missing the breakfast club for THIS?

2006-02-05T21:52:13Z

kare's pissed at me. it's a long story.

after some reflection, it occurred to me that within a two month period i've had four seperate fights with four of the most important people in my life; all of these fights have or have come close to ending the friendships. there is no way four major fights in that amount of time can be a conincedence. for the first time i thought that perhaps it was me, not them, that was the problem. that pissed me off, because when i think further back about all those times, it became apparent that in fact, i have no one to blame but my own selfishness. i have never considered myself to be a selfish person, i thought i was quite the opposite. i do spend a good portion of my time trying to help others, but after a critical look at myself i have come to the conclusion i usually only try to help people for my own self gratification and that makes me feel sick. also, i think i overthought this and will feel completely different about it by tomorrow morning.

maybe it's fucking winter. i hate winter. i HATE WINTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, so i blame everything that goes wrong between the months of october and march on it.

i have to finish my creative writing story. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm not in a creative writing mood. i'm in a fat mood. i'm ready for next weekend and it's only sunday. my mom has some man in the house this weekend. he is not a mood enhancer. it's the superbowl too. i expected to be out of the house today, but the fight with kara.. yea... today sucked. i got up at like 330pm too, i think your body knows it's not going to be a good day when it doesn't wake itself until halfway through the day. it's like a defense mechanism. sigh.

go down to the basement, do a little ooh la la, WHATEVA.

2006-02-03T20:32:35Z

report card sucked &
tonight i'm gonna be at jenn's with elise and kara.

i was crazy hyper all day, it was funnn. i'll probably fall asleep at 7pm though. my biscuits are ready, so i'm gonna go now.

oh wait, i made another painting in study hall. and i kept it this time. PEACEEEE

oh wait ANOTHER thing, gym today was off the hook. me and elise and some other kids were seperated from the other children because we are special and they did not want us to contaminate the basketball game, "I'M IN SLOW GYM!!" madd good times.

semen actually tastes sweet

2006-02-02T22:38:27Z

i joined another gang today.
i found someone to make my hair black and yellow for only $75
it was a good day

revised: 913pm
i had a revelation about what's been bothering me all this week
i made a few small mistakes that add up to one big horrible thing.
i have no idea how to regain someones trust and everyone i've asked says the same thing: trust is a precious thing, once you break it it's gone
i don't even deserve a second chance

some people are like a pile of dog crap

2006-02-01T22:29:06Z

you can step in it and get it all over your shoes and be pissed off about it,
or you can just step around it.

my dad picked me up from school, and we hung out and talked about corporate evils. and why he got fired.

then i came home and made some cookies

this morning, i saw a lot of spilt coffee chillin' near the cafeteria on the floor; as i was looking at said coffee the thought "there was a fight 5 minutes ago" went through my head. the next person who talked to me asked me if i had seen the fight. get me a turban and a 1-800-psychic number.

my hair's still blue, all the hair people i've called are saying i have to chemically strip it or cut it all out to de-blue it.rdfhweiuh

stilletto pumps in da club

2006-01-31T20:36:29Z

i was freezing all day
i'd love to catch cold and stay home from school
until my hair is black and yellow how i want it and it's summer outside.

i made this painting in study hall
i really liked it
so did some other girl
i don't know why i threw it away.

i hate listening to my mom yell at the president on tv because she sounds just like me.

today was so weird that, 'the baked chicken', my number one favorite cafeteria food, tasted like paste.

i'm getting sick and tired of most people. there's an analogy to this to: it's exactly like my panic!at the disco cd. i love it, it's a great cd, i've listened to it since christmas, memorized the words and picked my favorite songs. i play it now and it's striking to me how now, every song just sounds exactly the same.

i can even make blue hair look good.

2006-01-30T20:34:51Z

today was quite the day, it all started last night around 7 when the dangerous combination of boredom and jenn oconnor led to a 7pm wal mart run and 2 boxes of the most expensive boxes of blackest black, and the brightest whitest platinum blonde hair dye they had. we got back home and i trusted jenn with putting the bleach crap in first, on the top section of my hair. all was going well up there till i became impatient and itchy scalped and washed it all out against the advice of everyone present. it wasn't so bad, the color just wasn't even in all the spots, so we just deicded to use the rest of the dye.

me: we should just use the rest of the dye now right i guess maybe?
jenn: yeahhh.. why is it overflowing all over your bathroom counter?

the shit was exploding everywhere so we just quickly put it in my roots and ends without so much as a glance at the directions, who the fuck uses those?? jenn had abandoned me by then and i went to wash the rest out. i ended up with the most interesting shades of yellow and orange i have ever seen on one person's head. it was like a sunset melted into my hair. luckily i did have a back up plan. i was feeling pretty smart at this point as i opened the box of BLACK dye, thinking i could cover up the orange yellow with it. 25 minutes later the sink is full of purple water and i have not blonde, not black, not orangeyellow, but BLUE hair. blue. not blueblack, BLUE. 100% NO DOUBT ABOUT IT BLUE.

i did go to school without a hat on today. and i passed the math regents, and got a 90 on the global midterm, there must have been some mix up, but my mom was thrilled and i'm hoping that tonight she'll take me to either her hair salon or sara to straighten out the mess on my head. honestly i'm really starting to like it, but i don't want to be known as the girl with the blue hair for the rest of my high school education. all in all the shocked reactions were worth the $20 something of my dad's money i spent on hair dye. alot of people actually liked it, my biggest compliment came from the lady who makes me my chicken wrap in lunch everyday. she said it was the best color i had done it yet.

the smurf jokes were really clever too.
reallllly clever.

the blue doesn't show up as well as it does in real life cause my camera's like the first digital camera ever, but trust me it's DEFINETELY there.

the second one's cool because i didn't know i could look that retarded. and that's josh's necklace that i stole<33333

"mom i need to go on the internet" "why?" "i want to look at pictures of naked ladies"

2006-01-29T20:39:43Z

so halfway through last night i really wished i was at the dance just because i felt like seeing the trashy dresses and trashed people. we didn't go out to dinner, but cf brought over this amazing pizza.. it wasn't delivery nor was it digorno, but i really really liked it. me and kara and cf hung around and talked and all, elise and stacy came over after at the dance was over, about 1130, taylor free. i was dissapointed. i love you taylor. corine came home after that and we sat around the kitchen table creeping each other out with scary stories until either i started crying or elise fell asleep on my arm, whichever happened first. that was 3am i remember. we went downstairs, fucking freezing, i'm talking subzero arctic tempertures. everything after that is a blur of prank phone calls and stacy's voice. the next morning we all hung out then elise left, then stacy left, then cf left, and i helped kara clean up for once in my life, then i left at like 1pm, now i'm looking forward to a night of finishing this book i was supposed to read last week.

am i really going to hell because i was never baptized?
that sucks

LYKE THE FIRST ONE EVA OMGOMG

2006-01-28T19:00:46Z

today's been pretty stupid so far. woke up at like 8 to my cell phone making a racket cause bitches can't wait till reasonable hours to start questioning my daily plans. i went back to sleep after that and woke up sometime a little before noon and just layed there for awhile till ELISE called. she told me this hilarious story regarding hiding at her grandma's till midnight oclock because her cousin and his friends wanted to beat her up, because they figured since she stole 2 cd's from the backseat of there car, it was her fault they locked there keys inside car. very funny. we also decided to fuck snoball and go to kara's instead.

i showered

then the phone calls started: WHY ARENT YOU GOING TO THE DANCEEEEE and, WHY ARENNTT YOU GOINGGGG TOO THE DANNCEEE? i went online just so the phone would stop ringing where i received many IMs with the same theme as the phone call, such as WHYY ARENT YOU GOINNNGG TO THE DANNNCEEEE??

the rest of the day looks like i'll be waiting for kara to call to figure out the timing of everything, then going out to dinner with cf and kara and elise. mhm. it will be a beautiful thing.